I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
