you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
