new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
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