I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
