from now on my penis is your penis
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
