OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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