Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
