can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Randomize
