youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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