I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
