Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
