If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
