My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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