would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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