You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
