I think I died a long time ago.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
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