have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I just want to make out with him forever
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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