Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
