I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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