Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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