ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Randomize