the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
