you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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