When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
