he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
