did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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