Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
