i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
