Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I have aggressive nipples.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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