You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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