He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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