I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
The uberlube is also flammable
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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