I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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