So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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