I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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