Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
