so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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