That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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