I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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