i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
