Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
He has the fingertips of a God
And then he peed in my hair
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
