Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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