She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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