hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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