I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
