im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
