Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
