I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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