FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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