I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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