I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
