I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
