i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
a search helicopter?!
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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