he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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