what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
