no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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