my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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