Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
