the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
