Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
