where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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