That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
