If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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