i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
