I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
