Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
