had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
