its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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