omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
our cab driver is having phone sex.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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