I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i wish my penis had a tongue
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
be right there i have to get my cape
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
