do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
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