U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
