the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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