Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
