Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
