1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
