Sponge bath it is.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
