His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
