My boss' voice literally gives me gas
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
