So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
