dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Randomize
