I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
