He kissed a someone with a penis
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
