omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
