dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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