Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
honey bunches of taint.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I am mentally ready for anal.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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