Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
